Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
