Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
