Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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