Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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