Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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