...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
