I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
