Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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