One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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