so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He has the fingertips of a God
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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