dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
