She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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