I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
