sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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