I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
