I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
