I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
