Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
