i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
