I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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