Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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