There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
