that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
