Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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