pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
