I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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