my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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