Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize