sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
