just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
