I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize