What did we do last night that was yellow?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i think i have herpe
just one?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize