I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize