you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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