as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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