So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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