I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
