When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
