Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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