No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
