I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
