bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hello my rib-scented angel!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
