stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
