My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
