I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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