so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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