i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
