you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
