I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
