So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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