There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just threw up on my dentist
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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