i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
