I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
