I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
