My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
