Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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