woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
