i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
