From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
