So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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