I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
