I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
