Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
