bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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