3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am midnight drunk by noon
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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