I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
