I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I love you. Go after that dick
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
