Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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