Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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